Sex Addiction isn't real. Sex is real. Porn is real. Some other words that are real include diversity, fetus, vulnerable, science-based, evidence-based, entitlement, and transgender. Yes, transgendered people are real. This week it seems the Trump administration decided that these seven words don’t exist and should not be used by the CDC. Whether or not this ban is real, political leaders have been doing this as long as we have had scientific research.

Misinformation about reality, or the censoring of reality, can be harmful. Myths about sex can make it difficult for people to feel normal in their sexuality. If they are told that their biological urges are sinful or weird, they can feel a split between sex and themselves. They can see sex as something outside the normal human experience or even outside of their own control. If we as humans label something as uncontrollable, then we may fail to even try to have control over it.

Sex addiction is not a real addiction listed in the most recent edition of the DSM, the bible of mental health diagnosis. These individual’s struggles are a failure of logic brought on by shameful views of their own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. People who self-label as sex addicts have the same amount of sex as people who do not. People who claim to have this addiction feel the need to hold themselves to a standard beyond the normal human condition. They feel amorous, they feel love, they feel horny, and yet they deny these feelings and push them down to hide and deny their own sexuality. They not only feel uncomfortable just talking about sex in a social setting, but can sometimes feel uncomfortable even discussing these topics with their sexual partners. They can literally be having sex with their partner and feel super uncomfortable just discussing birth control and condom usage.

Our guest today is clinical psychologist Dr. David J. Ley, Ph.D. and the author of the books Ethical Porn for Dicks: A Man’s Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure, The Myth of Sex Addiction and Insatiable Wives. I also just found out he has a black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. What the hell? That's awesome. To me, he sounds like the Jason Bourne of the clinical psychology world, saving people from myths and misinformation about sex and relationships. Our discussion with him covers the myths of sex addiction, porn, the CDC’s list of banned words, and so much more.

 

David J. Ley PhD (@DrDavidLey) on Twitter

About Us:

Angela Skurtu is a licensed marriage and family therapist and an AASECT certified sex therapist. She is a published author, with her second book releasing in February.

About Sex now livestreams episodes on Facebook a week before the podcast episodes come out. Check us out at our new YouTube Channel. // Visit us at: www.aboutsexpodcast.com // Get marriage therapy and sex therapy in the St Louis area with Angela Skurtu LMFT M.Ed., a Licensed Marriage and Sex therapist at: www.therapistinstlouis.com

Also, we have facebooks and twitters and all that stuff, but if you read this far i seriously doubt you have time to read any more.

Facebook: Angela Skurtu LMFT, M. Ed, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist // Joshua Skurtu

Have you ever wondered what it's like to have an open relationship? What the heck does that even mean and are people really doing this? According to our guest, many people are trying this and learning from each other in the process. 

Kevin Patterson runs a facebook page all about open relationships. On his page, he asks fellow poly people to share their positive and their negative stories. Aparently, we are humans who are capable of making mistakes-regardless of whether we are in a monogamous or a poly relationship. 

Rather than throwing the baby out with the bath water, why not learn from your mistakes or learn from the mistakes of others?

Our guest this week is an amazing and interesting person that joined us via the telephone. Hopefully the sound holds up. We hope you enjoy listening as much as we enjoyed recording it. Enjoy!

About Our Guest:

Kevin Patterson of Poly Role Models

Kevin is the curator of the interview series blog Poly Role Models. It’s part of an effort to fix the lack of diversity with which ethical non-monogamy is typically represented. The blog has spun into speaking engagements across the country about the intersection of race and polyamory. Kevin hopes his efforts change the landscape in regards to the creation of inclusive environments.

Kevin's book "Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities" releases on March 30th. He is currently trying to crowdsource funds for a book tour.

http://polyrolemodels.tumblr.com

https://www.facebook.com/polyrolemodels/

@PolyRoleModels

About Us:

Angela Skurtu is a licensed marriage and family therapist and an AASECT certified sex therapist. She is a published author, with her second book releasing in February.

We are now livestreaming episodes on YouTube a week before the podcast episodes come out. If you just can't wait to listen, the livestream goes out a week before the podcast releases. Check us out at our new YouTube Channel. // Visit us at: www.aboutsexpodcast.com // Get marriage therapy and sex therapy in the St Louis area with Angela Skurtu LMFT M.Ed., a Licensed Marriage and Sex therapist at: www.therapistinstlouis.com

Also, we have facebooks and twitters and all that stuff, but if you read this far i seriously doubt you have time to read any more.

Facebook: Angela Skurtu LMFT, M. Ed, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist // Joshua Skurtu

A man can only be measured by his works, be they art, education, service to others, or hard labor in the sun. I think you can also use a ruler, tape measure, or even use a bathtub full to the brim of water. You see, when you then add the man to the water, you can catch that water and then measure the volume of the water displaced, which is the same as his volume. It's so simple! You couldn't probably measure a man with a barometer, but I know you can measure temperature as well.

Either way our guest this week is a hard working man. He is the self described "Hardest working man in Ho business", "The Do You Guru", a co-founder of Sex Positive STL, and the "HNIC" at Planet Wraith. I forgot to ask what "HNIC" meant, but I assume it means he's in charge. He actually had to pass the "Hardest working" title to someone else more recently, but I think he can reclaim that title if they wrestle or something. I'm not sure how it works, exactly. It was great meeting him and we hope you enjoy the episode.

-Josh and Angela Skurtu

About our guest:

David Wraith is a street walking cheetah with a heart full of napalm, he is "The Do You Guru," and "The Hardest Working Man in Ho Business." He is co-founder of Sex Positive St. Louis and the HNIC at Planet Wraith 

• Website URL davidwraith.com, sexstl.com, 
• Blog URL davidwraith.com
• Facebook URL https://www.facebook.com/planetwraith/,
•  https://www.facebook.com/davidwraith
• Twitter Name @davidwraith

About us:

We are now livestreaming episodes on youtube a week before the podcast episodes come out. If you just can't wait to listen, check us out at our new YouTube Channel.

Visit us at: www.aboutsexpodcast.com

Get marriage therapy and sex therapy in the St Louis area with Angela Skurtu LMFT M.Ed, a Licensed Marriage and Sex therapist. You can talk to her about sex or other therapy needs at: www.therapistinstlouis.com

Also, we have facebooks and twitters and all that crap, but if you read this far i seriously doubt you have time to read any more.

Facebook:

Angela Skurtu LMFT, M. Ed, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist

Joshua Skurtu

It's nice to get a massage. You feel relaxed, all the stress melts away, you sometimes fall asleep on the table and they have to poke you with a stick to get you out of there. It can be a euphoric experience with your body releasing endorphins in response to the massage, leaving you dizzy and happy as a clam. Apparently, there are people that offer a "happy ending" after one such massage, which makes for an even happier clam, which involves manual or oral stimulation of the genitals. Huh. You learn something new every day, right? Our guest today performs such work and also has a lot to share about sex education, race, and polyamory.

About out guest:

Chris has chosen to remain anonymous, but we were glad he could share his story with us. He is a sex worker and sex educator and, well, anonymous, so don't ask any more questions!

About us:

We are now livestreaming episodes on youtube a week before the podcast episodes come out. If you just can't wait to listen, check us out at our new YouTube Channel.

Visit us at: www.aboutsexpodcast.com

Get marriage therapy and sex therapy in the St Louis area with Angela Skurtu LMFT M.Ed, a Licensed Marriage and Sex therapist. You can talk to her about sex or other therapy needs at: www.therapistinstlouis.com

Also, we have facebooks and twitters and all that crap, but if you read this far i seriously doubt you have time to read any more.

Facebook:

Angela Skurtu LMFT, M. Ed, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist

Joshua Skurtu

Some people marry for love. Some people marry for money. Some people do not marry and instead have a more fluid relationship dynamic that involves multiple sexual partners. Kendra Holliday joins us again with her partner Matthew, this time to discuss their unique relationship that involves polyamory, BDSM and oooohhh so much more. These two have a lot of interesting things to say about how they are successful as a couple. We hope you can join us for this week's episode.

About out guests:

Sexual dysfunction can be very deflating. Or is it defeating? I think both work. Either way, disabilities or dysfunctions that negatively affect your sex life can be difficult to live with. Some people are able to work with their doctors or work with talk therapists to solve these problems. Others need more a more "hands on" approach. That's where sexual surrogates like Kendra Holliday can help.

For someone not in a relationship, someone without a sexual partner, having a sexual dysfunction means any time they try to date or begin a relationship they might feel like they have an asterisk attached to their sex lives. Not only do these individuals have to deal with the dysfunction itself, but they also have to deal with any shame or other "feelings" humans have when it comes to sex. It's hard enough to find a mate without an asterisk.**

Sexual surrogates give these individuals an outlet to work through, manage, or even cure what ails them, asterisks be damned! Surrogates like Kendra Holliday create a safe space for these people to heal. A place free of shame, judgement, and one that fosters positive views on human sexuality. 

About our Guests:

In this episode we speak with Kendra Holliday, a sexual surrogate and her partner Matthew. Kendra describes herself as a passionate bisexual sexplorer when it comes to kinks, fetishes, BDSM, swinging, sex work, and polyamory. She is also a mother, daughter, sister, friend and volunteer.

Kendra is a 44 year old woman located in St. Louis, MO and is the Editor of The Beautiful Kind, her personal blog. She is also co-founder of Sex Positive St. Louis. She has a professional consulting site Be Open and Honest, where she offers sex and relationship advice and sex surrogacy services (talking and hands on intimacy).

Her life experiences include monogamous marriage, divorce, sex work, parenthood, as well as being fired and sued for her sexuality. A nudist and sex-positive activist, she is in a polyamorous BDSM relationship with her long-term partner, Matthew.

Episode 40

Visit us at: www.aboutsexpodcast.com

Get marriage therapy and sex therapy in the St Louis area with Angela Skurtu LMFT M.Ed, a Licensed Marriage and Sex therapist. You can talk to her about sex or other therapy needs at: www.therapistinstlouis.com

 **Josh's note: Josh wishes no ill feelings toward any asterisks or other punctuation marks, but he is still not on speaking terms with the ampersand.